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Summertime and the living is easy

1 August 03

Lighthearted look at day in the life of a busy family practitioner

by Margaret Scanlan

6.30AM

Rise and perform toilette which has become increasingly complex with the passage of time. Whilst searching for an eyelash to coat with super-duper extra thickening gloop, ponder why it is that only women spend hours and small fortunes piling on the slap while men content themselves with scraping the hair of their faces and a splash of manly fragrance, not even a touch of blusher on those pallid wintry cheeks.

7.15AM

Steadfastly eat healthy tasteless cereal with low fat milk and pack fruit for equally healthy lunch. 

7.45AM

In supermarket, fail to remove healthy lunchtime fruit from basket and watch helpless as this is efficiently scanned and packed. Too complicated to explain error to helpful checkout person. Pay up meekly and leave.

8.05AM

Update myself on current affairs by reading office copy of Hello. Who are these people? I am clearly hopelessly out of touch with modern culture and will never make it as top flight Divorce Lawyer if this continues. Make mental note to watch Big Brother.

10.00AM

Meeting with Family Law Team in Board Room. 

10.03AM

Abandon above when remember have no Team and no Board Room.  Instead try to recall names of lawyers in LA Law who only had one case each and started every day with plates of doughnuts and never got fat, except for token fat person who was also token short person but was really really clever and funny and married to woman who was skinny and tall enough for both of them. 

10.30AM - 12.30PM

See clients.  None has featured in Hello. All expect me to remember every detail of their case. Me, who can’t even remember the name of the short fat one in LA Law. Some arrive with support persons who, generally speaking are a menace. Although have to admire the style of woman who brought along her stockbroker.

12.30PM

Ascertain from reception that no one of consequence has invited me to lunch. Eat twice paid for fruit which is dust in my frugal mouth. 

1.00PM

Knock off early for ritual humiliation of Ladies Medal. I am spectacularly irredeemably hopeless golfer. Apart from a brief purple patch a few years ago when showed potential for intermittent mediocrity, fifteen years and a shed load of game improving equipment and go further balls has brought no improvement whatsoever. Card still alive if a bit more abundant than one might wish by Par Three Six. Here hit text book shank into waste high grass to left of green. Find ball, take wild swipe. Ball exits in perfect arc striking bag.  Am so disconcerted by exit from long grass that chip straight into bunker and lodge under lip.  Tear up card. 

6.30PM

Driving home consider whether will make turn into driveway without bouncing off gate. 

6.35PM

Nope.

7.30PM

Think about taking briefcase from car.  Decide against.  Pour large drink.  Watch Corrie.